Deny Me
by XanderB
Summary: Heero just left without a word and Duo is heartbroken. What happens when Duo is invited to Relena and Heero's wedding only a few months later? He thought that Heero loved him. Was that all just a lie?


Deny Me

Warnings: Swearing, angst, slight violence, LEMON, Relena bashing, yaoi, etc...

Pairings: past and present 1X2, present 1XR

Disclaimer: I only wish I owned GW.

Song is called 'You Oughta Know' by Alanis Morissette

Lyrics

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you

I wish nothing but the best for you both

An older version of me

Is she perverted like me

Would she go down on you in a theater

Does she speak eloquently

And would she have your baby

I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

(Duo)

It's funny; I always knew that you would choose her in the end. I always thought you would, even when you swore that you wouldn't. And I just want you to know that I'm happy for you, the both of you. You two really do make for a beautiful couple. After all, she is a princess and you are her shining knight. I hope it's everything you thought it'd be.

I just have to wonder if she's a more mature version of me. Is she better suited for your needs? Is she as fun as I was? I bet she'd never suck your dick in a crowded theater. Heaven forbid people find out that she even knows how to suck cock. Maybe she calls it something different, maybe the proper term, 'fellatio'. God, that makes me laugh. She probably blushes with every syllable of the word. And I bet she doesn't talk dirty to you. I can't imagine it; filthy words couldn't possibly spill from her innocent lips.

And I bet she'll be pregnant by the end of this month since the marriage is final now. How's it feel inside of her? I bet you're pleased that she can give you more than I can. It's not like I could give you kids. I am a guy after all. But you always knew that. You even told me once that that was the reason you wanted me. You told me women were too soft for you. You couldn't be gentle enough with them. So tell me, why the change of heart?

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with her. I hope your kids are cute. I'm sure I'll never see them in the flesh since you don't want your wife to know what you used to do with me. I'm sure you haven't told her just what it was we used to do together. I'm sure you don't share how tight I was with her. Or maybe it's been too long and you've forgotten. That's okay too, since I'm sure she's just as tight.

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able

To make it enough for you to be open wide, no

And every time you speak her name

Does she know how you told me you'd hold me

Until you died, 'til you died

But you're still alive

(Flashback)

You're so hard and rough within me. Your lips are on my neck, nipping at my ear and your fingers are bruising me. I am only to pleased to bare your bruises. I moan for you. I know how you like to hear my voice. Your shoving into me brutally and I know I'll be sore later. But I won't mind because it's you.

And you're holding me so tight, with your hard-on up my ass, breathing filth into my ear. And I'm calling out your name like it's the only word I know. And then, I'm demanding that you fuck me harder, faster, rougher. Do me the way I know you want to. And I can see your eyes as you're looking down at me. Your eyes are burning and I hope they're matching mine. I love you.

Then you're cumming inside me, no protection as always. Who needs it when death is at your door every morning anyway. And you stay still in me, breathing like it's your last breath. And you're touching my hair and kissing me. Your arms are like a vice and you refuse to let me go. You're telling me in a tone that speaks of centuries that you'll love me forever. You'll hold me for eternity. Until your dying day. You're telling me like you mean it. And I believe you.

(End flashback)

I can remember all your touches, every bruise you marred me with. I can remember every breath, every kiss and every scar. I remember the scent of your sweat and the sound of your climax. I remember all your weaknesses and just where to touch to make you moan. It's a shame you'd rather forget. I wonder if you remember. Do you recall the words you said every time you came in me?

Can you tell me why you lied to me? Or maybe you just never meant to say them at all? Or maybe you are lying to her instead? Tell me what's the truth, Heero. Make me believe it's real. You told me once not to question you, that you were always honest when you confessed your love for me. I think you were mistaken. I think that maybe you're just a real skilled liar. And obviously I wasn't enough for you. The love that we created wasn't good enough to make you human, but she is, I'm sure.

She's bloody pure, you're probably going to heaven just because you stand next to her. Do you like to feel like you protect her? Does it make you feel important? Or maybe it makes you feel alive? Or just plain innocent? Does she make you feel like you never killed a soul? Like you didn't kill that little girl and her puppy in New Edwards? Or maybe she's your penance.

I bet that's it. I bet it all has to do with that incident. I bet it's only a sham. But maybe that's just my heart trying to console me in your absence. It's so hard to tell sometimes. And Quatre says you're doing well and I should visit with you and her. I don't think I can. At least not with a straight face. I think I might vomit if I have to watch you fawning over her and kissing all her boo boos. She is a child after all. Maybe she's more mature than me, but she's still just a baby.

And I'm here to remind you

Of the mess you left when you went away

It's not fair to deny me

Of the cross I bear that you gave to me

You, you, you oughta know

And I thought I should just let you know that you left a few things here when you up and disappeared without a trace. I thought that you might want to hear that I looked for you until I saw you on her arm and then I understood. It must have been easy to win her over since she was always obsessed with you. I'm sure you love being worshiped an all that. I thought that you should know that I would have worshiped you too.

And just to let you know, all the shit you left, I burned. I hope you don't mind. I was just so pissed at you. I'm sure you understand. And I thought I should remind you of the mess you left. I came home to find the apartment in complete disarray. I thought we had been robbed at first until I saw the TV still in place. How could you? You're a real bastard you know.

And it's not fair to me you know, that you broke my heart. What did I do to you? How did I deserve this? You've put me in pain I don't know how to deal with. And it would have been better if you were dead. You've left me with a void that I can't seem to fill. How do you fill the place where your soulmate once resided? Wasn't that what you'd told me? Weren't we kindred spirits? Two parts of one soul. God, you're an awful liar.

And you oughta know just what you put me through. You oughta realize just what you've done. And I think you should tell Relena what we were. I think that maybe next time I see her, I'll let her know. I think she oughta know that you fucked me before her. I think she oughta know just who you were before you were her knight, before you were her husband, you cad.

And I'm sure it's really easy for you to pretend I don't exist. It's like I'm invisible and you never knew me after all. Am I so easy to forget? To regret? I seem to remember that you kissed me first. Isn't that right? Wasn't it you who crushed me against the leg of my Gundam and shoved your god damned tongue down my throat? I didn't think you had an evil twin. It was the best kiss I've ever had.

How am I supposed to forget about you when I fell in love so fast. The fall was so quick and the hill was so steep. What am I supposed to do now that you are with her? Move on? As if it is so simple. It's only been a few months and yet here we are. And I am alone and you have her. I hope she was worth it. You sure make it look like it. You're all smiles while you're on her arm. And the ring on her finger looks heavy. How does she hold her hand up with a rock that big on her delicate finger?

I guess I must be jealous. Don't I have the right to be? You were mine first, weren't you? And it was your choice, just like it always was. I didn't get a say. And I hate her for taking you. It's not her fault, but I hate her all the more. How can she be so naive? How can she be so at peace while I am morning over the loss of you? Doesn't she know what she's doing? And I hate you for leaving me. You said you'd never do it. You promised me, in fact. Didn't you say you'd always be there? So can I still call on you when I'm in trouble?

Well, I'm in trouble now. I think I'm dying of a broken heart and there seems to be no cure. So where are you now?

You seem very well, things look peaceful

I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know

Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity

I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner

It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced

Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

Everything looks so perfect in your house. Yeah, I know what I've done is illegal. But you'll never even know I was here. And I can watch you can't I? Besides, I won't cause a scene, not when the wedding is so close. I wouldn't want to fluster the Mrs, now would I? Relena looks happy. I guess you're real good to her. Or maybe she's real good actress. Is it wrong to hope for the latter.

I hate to interrupt you while you're in the middle of such a fancy looking meal. You seem to be living so well these days. And I thought that you should know that I'm not doing quite as well. Not all of us get to marry the Queen of the Earth Sphere after all. And there you go, smiling again.

And now I am watching you marrying her. And she's taken the place where I should stand. And even as I am standing right here in plain view, you're ignoring me and Quatre's at my arm, pulling me away. I'm surprised you haven't noticed.

I can't believe you even invited me, but I bet it was her idea, since all of us are here, even Wufei. And I thought I'd let you know that the champagne is great. It's really strong, just the way I like it. And maybe I'm a little drunk. But that's no big deal and all of us are staying the night here anyway. It's not like this castle of your's can't accommodate us. And I'm hating you as I down another glass of bubbly. You haven't even noticed me.

And I'm seething as you're cutting the cake together. That should be me in her place. You even told me so once. Don't you remember? It's like a cold slap in the face that you've forgotten everything we once were. I'm beginning to believe that you're a liar after all. Do you imagine me while you're deep inside of her?

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able

To make it enough for you to be open wide, no

And every time you speak her name

Does she know how you told me you'd hold me

Until you died, 'til you died

But you're still alive

And it's so weird. To hear the vows you once made to me spill from your lips to another. But I assume you were only practicing them on me. And I feel like crying. Would you notice if I did? I doubt you would. And there's Quatre, pulling me out of the room again. He's telling me I just need some air. But you know what I really need? A gun and some bullets. What a wedding reception that would be.

Do you think the kitchen could spare a knife for me to slit my wrists. What's one more sin? I'm going to hell anyways. And Quatre's wiping my face and telling me to get a hold of myself. Get a hold of myself? For Christ's sake, the love of my life just married someone else after he left me without so much as a 'sayonara'.

I'm shouting at him now, screaming really. And I wonder if you can hear me from inside. Do you recognize my voice? And tears are still pouring from my eyes and Quatre doesn't know what to say. I'm cursing him and you and her and me. Why did I even come at all? I knew that this would happen. But Quatre is too persuasive. That's what it was.

And I'm here to remind you

Of the mess you left when you went away

It's not fair to deny me

Of the cross I bear that you gave to me

You, you, you oughta know

And I'm hating you as I'm trashing your balcony. I'm throwing your flowerpots to the ground below and I don't care if anyone's hurt. And I'm crushing the dainty crystal champagne glass in my hands. And I'm bleeding now. Shards are in my skin, in my palms and my wrists. And theres more blood than there really should be and I don't care. And Quatre shouting now too and grabbing me. He wants to hug me and tears are in his eyes too.

I'm crying and sobbing and kicking decorations. And I'm hating you. The blood is still soaking my nice clothes and my skin. My arms are covered in it. And the balcony doors are opening. And Trowa's coming out to see what is going on. And his eyes are getting wide. Quatre's crying now and Trowa's looking for something to stop the blood. But I won't have it. I want to stain the marble floor. I want to bleed to death on your balcony.

Trowa's talking to me now. He's trying to reason with me. But I'm hysterical and I won't have it. He's trying to get a hold of me, so they can stop the bleeding. But I am so quick, too quick for them to catch. And before they can stop me, I am through the doors once more. You'll notice me for sure now. You'll have no choice. And I'm making a scene now. But I'm drunk and I don't care. I'm hating you.

Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me

And I'm not gonna fade

As soon as you close your eyes and you know it

And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back

I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

I'm running aimlessly and people are moving out of my way as they blur around me. And it's no wonder that I'm still bleeding all over your pretty floor. I'm so drunk, I'm stumbling. And then I'm tripping and falling. Something has caught me before I've hit the ground and my eyes are meeting your's. You've noticed me.

You're closing your eyes sadly and I don't care. I hate you after all. And Relena's looking worried and you're ignoring her. And I am smiling. Are you a liar? You're holding me too close and I'm still bleeding. It's dirtying your tuxedo, but I don't give a shit. And you're apologizing to your guests and you're taking me away. You're pulling me out of the hall and up the elevator.

And we're in a quiet room, just you and I. And you haven't spoken yet. But I'm sitting on the soft bed and you're disappearing into the bathroom. You're gong to fix me up, I'm sure. The water's running and then you're back. You're cleaning my wounds and plucking out the tiny shards diligently. I'm hating you and I'm loving you. And I'm bleeding on your bed. And you're ruining me. And you haven't said a word.

Your eyes are looking into mine and you're begging me. What do you want? I can't do this. You're asking me with your eyes to forgive you. Why do you make it hard for me? Why can't you let me go? It'd be so much easier if you would let me go. And I'd be bitter, but I'd hate you. And I'd hope that every time I was with another, you would feel it. You'd remember what it was like inside of me. Is it so much to ask for you to let me hate you?

You're being too gentle with me and I don't know how to react. Do I scream at you and hit you? Is that what I'm supposed to do? The bleeding's finally stopped and you've bandaged all my wounds. And still you're looking at me like that. What should I say to you?

And then you're moving closer. I am confused. And your lips are on my lips and all I know to do, is close my eyes and let you. We're kissing and I'm loving you. Why can't you let me go? I'm hating what you do to me and that I can't stop you. I don't want your lips to move from mine and I'd stay like this forever. Just never let me fall.

And then you're gone again and I'm opening my eyes. You're looking into me and I don't know what to say. Are you a liar? And then you're on top of me and you're breathing over my skin. It's been so long and I can't stop. I want you inside me again. I'm forgetting where we are and what you've done. And I want to feel you inside me.

And now you're loving me. You're taking off my clothes. And your's are already gone. What are we doing? You're married now. Don't you remember? But words are escaping me. I'm moaning and you're kissing me. Your tongue is in my mouth and I can't care anymore. You're pressing inside and you're hurting me. But I won't make you stop. I need to feel you like you want to feel me. And then you're moving us together and I don't care. And I'm calling out your name again and you're breathing that you love me. And you're sorry.

You never meant to hurt me. That's all that you can say. And you're filling me up to the brim and I am tearing my blunt nails down your back. I hope that they leaves marks for her to find. And then she'll understand. She'll know that you were mine first and she'll never have you like I do.

And then you're holding me so tight, I don't think I can breathe. And someone's pounding on the door, but you're not moving. You're just holding me. And then you're whispering urgently. Your breath is tickling my ears and I'm trying desperately to understand. What are you saying to me? You're words are so quick, it's hard to hear.

You're telling me that you didn't mean to hurt me the way you have, that this is all for the best. You and her have gotten married just so you can watch over her and you wish that it was me instead. I'm blinking back my tears now and I'm trying to believe. How can you be a liar? How can you do this to me? I am loving you all over again. And you're letting me.

And I'm here to remind you

Of the mess you left when you went away

It's not fair to deny me

Of the cross I bear that you gave to me

You, you, you oughta know

You oughta know what you're doing is tearing me apart. But then you're trying to make me understand. And you're kissing me again. And I'm praying this is real. You're telling me Relena knows and that she wants us to be together. But won't it look bad on her? The marriage, you're telling me, is only just for show. But how can that be true when you've ruined me for this?

And someone is still pounding at the door, but you're not answering. Your eyes are still on me. You're waiting for me to agree or disagree. I want to scream at you and tell you I won't do it. But my heart is in my throat and my mouth is moving on it's own and I'm kissing you. And I love you is all I can possibly say.

Owari

I hope you all like it. I may or may not do a sequel. It will depend on the feedback I get. R&R please.


End file.
